


Where Lost Things Go

by jhunieilarde



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode: s07e15 En Ami, F/M, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:09:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27725302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhunieilarde/pseuds/jhunieilarde
Summary: Post En Ami...Mulder had refused to talk to Scully and Scully had gotten sick of it and decided to start a new path for herself and her career. Could they settle their unresolved issues before they lose each other?(so i watched En Ami for nth time and it gets me every time when Mulder looked at Scully the way he did when the disk was revealed to be empty. This is me living for the angst)DISCLAIMER: i got nothing against MSR. I love MSR. This episode just gets me on another level.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	1. Arizona

Scully used to love silence, a good old peace and quiet but not when it involves Mulder. She dreads the silence her partner is giving her ever since her road trip with Smoking Man. She had explained her side, told him why she did it, informed him that she had tried to send him tapes but nothing seemed to be enough for Mulder. She can see it in his eyes, the way he looks at her is not the same as before. It hurts her to lose his trust this way. He may not say it out loud because he avoids talking to her but she can feel it. It makes it more obvious when he started working on cases without her. He stopped calling her and he only lets her know that he had worked on a case when he put the file on her desk so she can do the report.

Of course, Scully did it willingly. If that is what it would take for Mulder to forgive her for running off like that then she will gladly do all of the reports he will throw at her but it’s been almost two months. He still ignores her and he still works on cases alone. She’s being bored at the basement all day long without a partner. At first, it felt like a punishment but now, it felt like he just does not need her anymore. He is showing her that he can do it on his own and he will be fine.

“How long are you going to punish me, Mulder?” she asked when he got back from a case.

He looked like a mess and not once asked her how she’s been even though she had repeatedly asked him about his trip.

“I don’t know how many times I can say I am sorry and how many times I can explain to you why I did it”,

“I know why you did it. It’s because Dr. Scully wanted to heal the world”, Mulder spat with so much venom, she literally felt pain in her chest.

She not once cried at Mulder’s cold treatment or in his complete ditching of her as his partner but this time, it’s all too much. She’s been carrying two months’ worth of sadness in her heart. She bit her bottom lip hard she tasted blood in order to hold back her tears from falling.

“Alright…I will stop apologizing now. There’s no use for it anyway”, she inhaled deeply, did not look at Mulder and grabbed her bag and coat, “See you when you’re in town, Agent Mulder”, she said and left.

She just put her life on hold for two months waiting for Mulder to acknowledge her again but she cannot do it any longer. She’s already been drowning. There is so much in her mind she needs to be answered. She wanted to tell Mulder what happened to her in that forsaken road trip, how she woke up in pajamas in a place she had no recollection of arriving at, but what would that achieve? It will only prove Mulder how much she screwed up. He will only rub it on her face and she has no energy left in her to deal with him and his sour mood.

\-----------------------------------

The next day, Scully walked in Skinner’s office with a file on hand. If Mulder wanted to work on his own, she should try and do the same. She is a field agent. She’s not just there to do reports.

“Arizona?” her boss asked.

“Three women were killed already, sir. The local police found no clues about the killer and I believe I can help. Besides, they don’t have resident pathologist in the area. I don’t have any pending case or report. I am available, sir”, she answered firmly.

Skinner sighed and closed the file.

“Agent Scully, I am not blind nor stupid. Your partner is running across the country on his own and now you wanted to do the same. What is going with you two?” he asked.

She knows it’s pretty obvious but she never bothered explaining it to Skinner before.

“I think it would be best if you will ask Agent Mulder about it, sir”, she muttered.

“Alright, but I can’t let you go in Arizona alone. I would not be comfortable sending you there chasing after a serial killer”, he said.

“I have talked with Sheriff James Townsend. He and I will be working on the case. I will not be alone, sir”, she explained.

It is a promising case and Scully’s argument is valid. Skinner could not think of anything to stop her from going when her partner is obviously ditching her for months.

“Fine. Your trip to Arizona is granted but I want you to report straight to me on a regular basis, no excuses”, he agreed with condition.

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir”, she replied.

\------------------------------------

ARIZONA

It was a difficult case. Scully was almost reminded of it with the case of Donnie Pfaster. The bodies were not desecrated but the victims did suffer. She performed autopsies on all of them and found one cause of death: strangulation. Despite their many sustained injuries, their broken necks are what ended their lives. They had also been sexually violated which pissed Scully off. What kind of monster will do it? It’s far from being an X File but the VCU got their hands full so she stepped in and took on the case.

“If you don’t mind me asking, Agent Scully, why are you working on the field by yourself?” Sheriff Townsend asked.

They’ve been doing late night reading just to make sure they cover all of the facts of the case. So far, the only profile they established is a male in mid-thirties, has a particular taste in women who were professionals and same age as him. Other than that, they got nothing else. They got no witnesses whatsoever.

“I am not a lone wolf, Sheriff. I do have a partner. He’s currently unavailable right now”, she answered.

He hummed.

“I don’t think that’s a valid reason to let you fly out here in this kind of situation. It’s not because you’re a woman. That’s not a problem. I just thought that it’s not how partners should be. Partners got each other’s backs, you know”, he expressed.

It saddened her. It’s what she thought too. She knows she got Mulder’s back at all times. She’s just uncertain now if he still got hers. Ever since he started treating her like she does not exist anymore, she begins to doubt their partnership. She even thinks he stopped regarding her as his partner which hurts a lot.

“Let’s just focus on getting this guy”, she countered.

When their fourth victim surfaced, her resolve almost broke. She was way younger than the rest. Her determination strengthened and she worked day and night. Finally, they got a fingerprint. The killer apparently made a mistake of touching the fourth victim’s watch and left his ring finger’s print on it.

“Agent Scully, we got him!” Sheriff Townsend announced.

The suspect is named Owen Crook. Apparently, the link between all of the murdered women was him. All of them had been involved with Owen and all of them had broken up with him. He was taking revenge on the women that ditched him for either another man or career.

Owen was traced fast in his mother’s old house. Scully joined the task force in catching him and was the one who found him down the basement of the house where they fought each other. It was dark which gave Owen the advantage but Scully is more skilled in hand-to-hand combat than him. She was able to subdue him and handcuffed him.

“Are you alright, Agent Scully?” Sheriff Townsend asked.

She caught a glimpse of herself on the car’s window and she was all beaten up but due to adrenaline rush, she doesn’t feel a thing yet.

“Yes, Sheriff. Thank you”, she answered.

The local PD thanked her before she left Arizona and flied back to D.C.

\---------------------------------

WASHINGTON D.C.

She finished her report on the plane so when she arrived, she went straight to Skinner’s office to submit it. Her boss’ eyes almost popped out of his head when he saw her face.

“I thought I told you to report to me regularly”, he hissed.

“I’m sorry, sir. We were preoccupied by the case. We got the killer and he’s now in custody of the local PD”, she apologized.

“…and the killer did that to you?” he asked.

“got him cornered down the basement and it was dark but I got him”, she answered confidently.

He asked for the report and gave her a warning about disobeying his order about reporting to him while on the field. She apologized one last time before she headed out of the office and went down at the basement.

\-----------------------------------

Mulder stopped typing on his computer when Scully walked in the office. She did not greet him nor acknowledge his presence in the office. Actually, she had gotten used to not being seen by Mulder that the feeling of uneasiness had subsided in her. it suddenly became normal to her so why greet him?

His eyes seemed to have been glued onto her face. He followed her until she settled on her chair and began shuffling the folders on her desk. She’s back on work mode even after having just arrived straight from the airport. Her luggage is still inside her car. When it became clear to Mulder that she’s not going to acknowledge him first, he cleared his throat to get her attention.

“Yes?” she asked when she looked at him for the first time.

She noticed that his beard has grown, and he did not bother shaving it. He looked skinny too and he no longer maintains his polished look.

“Yes? That’s all you have to say after hopping on a plane to Arizona, working on a case that’s clearly not an X File and coming back here looking like crap?” he exclaimed.

Taken aback by his harsh tone, she closed the file she’s reading and frowned at him. She just got back and Mulder is already stirring things up. Can’t he just give her a break for a few hours to settle back in?

“Well, it seems a logical choice given that I _cannot_ work on a case that can be classified as an X File other than type in reports. I found a case that’s needed to be solved. VCU could not accommodate it so I stepped in. I went through proper channels if that bothers you. A.D. Skinner had approved it and we solved the case. We found the killer and now, he’s locked up. Do you need anything else?” she narrated with a tone of indifference that Mulder flinched.

He’s not used to hearing it from her. For months he had shut her out, she hadn’t used that kind of tone with him. It sounded resigned, finished, unaffected. It scared him.

“You can work here”,

“I doubt that”, she mumbled.

“You can”, they locked eyes, “I will take you on the next case”, he decided.

That made her scoffed.

“No need. I have been asked to look into another case and no, VCU did not ask me. Deputy Director Kersh did. Apparently, I have impressed some people with the Arizona case. Don’t worry. I will still finish your reports. Just enjoy your trip”, she said.

“I’ll talk to Kersh. You work at the X Files. You’re my partner”,

“…and in the last few months, you cut me off, shut me out from everything”, her tone still sounded so cold and yet the fire is evident in her eyes, “I am no longer a partner to you, Agent Mulder. You’ve decided that since I came back from that road trip with the Smoking Man. You dismissed everything I said and judged me without considering my side. I am done running after you, begging for you to forgive me even if what I did does not need forgiveness especially from you. Well, some people appreciated my skills, my value, my judgment and I will not apologize for appreciating it. I still work here and I will still do the tasks you throw my way but you don’t dictate the path I choose. You don’t get a say on it, not after everything”, she exclaimed.

It is the first time Scully shook Mulder to his core. She’s tired of adjusting for him. If he does not need her, she can will herself not to need him and his approval of her. She had proven that she can solve a case on her own. She can stand without him.

“Scully…I—”

“I have a meeting upstairs about the new case. I’ll catch up on the report later”, she cut him off and left.


	2. Compromise

Mulder sat in their office at the basement in complete disbelief of what just happened. He admits that he had treated Scully poorly after she ran off with Smoking Man and at first, he was just plain pissed at her for believing that liar, at the Smoking Man for manipulating and tricking his partner, at himself for being so blind and failing to protect her. Then, he got over his anger and though there is doubt in his brain, he never doubted Scully’s loyalty, just her judgment and her selflessness. She has always been selfless and the whole point of her going with Smoking Man was for that selfless reason of curing others of the disease she had suffer from. That selflessness almost got her killed and she did not get what she went there for.

In his attempt to protect her, he shut her out, pushed her to the side and stopped her from taking cases. He thought it was the best idea to keep her safe from the evils of this world. In his mind, she is still part of the X Files, she handles the report. It may have been cold and cruel to keep ignoring her but he knew he wouldn’t be able to resist her if he resumed conversing with her again about cases. She would insist on going and he would yield to her charm. So he kept her at arms’ length.

When he returned from his last case, he found no Scully in their office. He was then informed by another agent that she had taken a case in Arizona, by herself, a case that’s not even an X File.

“You sent Scully to Arizona alone?” he said when he burst into Skinner’s office that day.

His boss looked at him confusingly at first before his brows furrowed.

“Glad you finally noticed your partner, Agent Mulder. To answer your question, she asked to be assigned to the case. Since she’s available and she’s a field agent who’s been forced to do desk duty by her own partner, she felt the need to work. VCU needed assistance and despite my reservations of sending her alone, she gave a good argument about the local PD being in need of her expertise on the case so yes, I agreed”, he answered.

“…but she was alone! I saw the file. She’s chasing after a serial killer who had already killed three women. Why didn’t you call me? I would have turn around in an instant”, Mulder exclaimed as panic shot through him.

Skinner sighed and rubbed his forehead.

“Look, it is really not my job to be a liaison for the two of you. You are both grown up people and I am supposed to be your boss but if you mean what you said that you would have turn around in an instant for her, perhaps, you would consider getting your head out of your ass and start treating her fairly”, Mulder halted, “Agent Scully is a competent, capable, and rational person. What she did was reckless and I agree on that but she did not do it without a reason and if she said that she tried to send tapes to you to let you know where she’s going then I believed her. I get that you worried about her. Hell, I was worried when I found out who she’s with at the time but don’t you think it’s a little hypocritical of you to be mad at her for months considering the number of times you ditched her without saying a word?”

Mulder had been backed into a corner by his boss. Skinner was tired of Mulder’s hot and cold treatment of Scully and he’s done watching Scully try and then shut down every single time. They needed to work things out if they hope to continue their jobs at the X File.

“I have seen Agent Scully scoured the entire Hoover Building trying to find help so she could save your life. She even cornered me, yelled at me to help you when you ran off to chase some ship without letting her know about it. How many times did that happen in the last seven years? I don’t consent your habit of running off and her action with the Smoking Man but I get both of your reasons. Stop smothering her with your hope to protect her. You’re not saving her. You’re only suffocating her”, he exclaimed.

“…but, I only want her to be safe. I failed to protect her so many times”, Mulder muttered.

“Find another way to do that. Shutting her out of X Files is not the way. You’re only pushing her away from you. Keep doing that and you will lose her for good”, Skinner replied.

\-------------------------------------

He did not hear from Scully for an entire week. She was sent to work on a case in New York and though she’s not alone this time, he couldn’t help but worry. The case is about a drug syndicate and a lot of things can go wrong. The last time she took on a case, she came back with bruised face. His worry was confirmed when he got a call saying that Scully had been shot during the bust. Luckily, she was wearing a vest.

Mulder rushed to the hospital where she was getting treatment and saw her looking worse than before. Her previous injuries had not healed properly yet and she took on another.

“What are you doing here?” she asked when she saw him standing outside the door.

“They called me about you being shot”,

“I’m fine, Mulder. I got a vest on”, she cut him off.

“…and if you weren’t wearing one that time? You could have been killed, Scully”, he argued.

She sighed. Her energy is depleted and she couldn’t take arguing with him again.

“Mulder, I was wearing a vest and I am fine. I am alive. Let’s just drop this. Don’t you have a case to work on?” she said.

Gripping on the end of his rope, Mulder groaned and shut the door and locked it.

“Why do you keep doing this, Scully? Why do you keep putting yourself at risk, in front of danger?” he asked.

“…because this is our job. This is what we signed up for”, she answered quickly.

“No, goddamn it!”

Scully’s breath hitched at the sound of his voice. He had been angry at her before but not once, he raised his voice like that to her.

“You did not sign up to die, Scully. I will not let you die because you’re all I have left. Do you want to know why I was so mad when you ran off with that chain-smoking bastard? I thought I would never see you again, that you would be taken away again. I thought I was going to lose you and I wasn’t there to protect you from him. I was so scared when you came back and made it clear that you did not regret it because your intention was noble and it was. That scared me the most because you have such a big heart! Your goddamn selflessness will be the death of you and me!”

Scully is now speechless. She had tried for months to get him to talk to her about that road trip and each time, he shut her down. Now, he’s not holding anything back.

“I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you so I stopped asking you to come with me to work on new cases. Every time we’re on assignment, you don’t wait for backup. You always walked on ahead. You put yourself on the frontline without any regards for your own safety and I was scared that one mistake would cost me you so I benched you. I thought you remained in the office, you would be safe and then I found out you flew to Arizona on your own. I was so scared, Scully. When you returned looking like that, I didn’t know what else to do. Now, this? You’re killing me, Scully!” he poured it all out.

She is fighting her tears. All the pent-up frustration and sadness she’s been keeping inside is threatening to come out. All she wanted is for him to see her, to appreciate her, to value and trust her. She had not realized he’s feeling more than that. It is true that she always puts herself on the line because she feels it to be right. It’s her job to solve cases, to save people, and to put criminals behind bars. She had not given a thought how that would make Mulder feel.

“I appreciate your concern, Mulder. I really do but what you did, did not make me feel safe. It made me feel unwanted, undervalued, untrusted. It made me feel the worst. We’re partners. We’re supposed to watch each other’s backs and how can I do that if I am stuck in the office? You are keeping me safe by caging me and it’s not helping. I hope that you can trust me for once to know my limit because I will not hide it from you”, she said.

For the many times he almost lost her, he had to dig out the truth from her. She always insisted on being tough.

“You know that I trust you but I don’t trust you on telling me when you have finally reached your limit because I know you. You it to yourself. You always want to finish what you started. You never backed down from evil”, he responded.

She swallowed.

“Let’s make a compromise then, to always tell each other the truth. You trust me to be honest with you about what I feel, my capacity, everything and I trust you with my thoughts…my life”, she proposed.

Mulder knew it’s the best he’s going to get out of this conversation. She is not going to stop working as an agent and if he intends to keep her safe, he will do a better job at it if they’re working together.

“Alright, deal…I will trust you to let me know about everything as long as you trust me with everything…even your truths”, he agreed.

She smiled and sighed. Despite having a blast taking on other cases, she missed working with Mulder. She missed working on X Files. It’s her home. With that agreement in mind, she knows it is time for her to tell Mulder the whole truth about that road trip with Smoking Man.

“I have something to tell you. I never got the chance to do so when I got back because…well, you were angry and I didn’t want you to rub it on my face”, he frowned, “…when I was with Smoking Man, I was driving because I wouldn’t want to give him the power to drag me anywhere without me having control. I was so tired that when he offered to take over the wheel I agreed. The next thing I knew, I woke up in another place, wearing my pajamas. I don’t remember getting out of the car or arriving in that house or changing my clothes”,

“He drugged you”, it was not a question.

“He denied it. He said I was so exhausted from driving across country that I was so out of it. I had myself checked but even if I was drugged, the substance was already out of my system by the time I got back here so I got no evidence. I was sure that he found I was wearing a wire under my clothes…I don’t know what it make of it, Mulder. I guess that’s why I never told you before”, she confessed.

Mulder is clenching his jaw. He’s not angry at her. No. He can never be fully angry at Scully. He’s furious at the Smoking Man and what he put Scully through. She may not say it out loud but he can feel the confusion in her voice. He knew how much she hates not remembering things after she was abducted before and not remembering what happened to her in those lost three months of her life. The Smoking Man did it again to her.

“It was not your fault. I am sorry I was such an ass when you came back. You’re carrying that on your own and I pushed you away. I’m sorry”, she sighed in relief, probably thinking he would lash out on her, “How are you feeling? Do you feel odd after that trip?” he asked.

What if Smoking Man messes with her chip? What if they returned her cancer to her?

“…not much. I got occasional headaches but my scans don’t reveal anything unusual. I don’t notice anything else”, she answered.

He studied her closely, trying to determine whether she’s brushing it off but she’s telling him the truth.

“Alright…I will not let that bastard anywhere near you again. I promise”, he swore.

Scully smiled. It is the first time she did after two agonizing months. Mulder has the power to sway her heart from north to south and she’s sure that he is aware of it.

“I know. Does this mean, I can work with you again?” she asked.

“Yes. I will not bench you again. I promise that as well”, he answered.

“Good because these other cases bore me a little”, she teased which made Mulder laughed.

She got up and groaned. Despite wearing a vest, it still hurts to be at the receiving end of that impact.

“You okay?” he asked in concern.

“I’m fine”, he frowned, “…just a little bruised on my torso but I can handle it”, she clarified, practicing what they have agreed on.

“Alright, let’s get you out of here”, he replied.


End file.
